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Wednesday, August 02, 2006Since When Do Lima Beans Molt?
 I thought I'd be an Earth Mama and cook up some lima beans the old fashioned way. The bag of dried beans cost only sixty-nine cents, and I figured it couldn't be any more difficult to cook limas than it is to cook black beans or split peas. At 7:00 in the morning, I sorted and rinsed the lima beans and whapped them into a large pot of cool water. (Everyone knows that you have to soak legumes so that they don't make your intestines explode.) Eight hours of soaking, two hours of cooking, and we'd have an earthy, homemade side dish. About ten minutes after I'd placed the beans on the counter, I took a quick peek at them. The outsides of the beans looked as though they'd been exposed to a mild acid -- they were crinkled, peeling a bit from the bean bodies. Not only that, but the beans themselves appeared to be in the process of splitting open. Odd, thought I. But then, what did I really know about dried lima beans? I'd just let them do their thing, and cook them up according to the directions on the bean bag. Later that afternoon, I approached the pot of beans in preparation for a final rinse before cooking. It looked as though they had been partially digested. Now, I've never particularly liked lima beans in the first place, and this bean metamorphosis was beginning to make me feel slightly nauseated. Not to be daunted by mutant lima beans, I flipped the little boogers into a colander, gave them a good shower, and returned them to the pot with some fresh water. A few minutes later, they were bubbling pleasantly on the stove. That's when I noticed the molting. Rising to the surface of the boiling water, along with the bean foam, were dozens of clear, empty lima bean skins. Having been liberated from the heavy beans, the skins were dancing around like nobody's business, begging for my attention. It looked like a potful of cicada shells. By now, my throat was beginning to close. I grabbed a fork and a spoon and began to lift out as many of the nasty skins as I could catch. It's no small miracle that I didn't scald myself. When I was finished, there was a three-inch-high pile of dead lima beans skins on my kitchen counter. If I had come upon them in a dark room, I wouldn't be here to tell the story. It was clear that I hadn't captured all of the molted skins, but a few quick stirs with a wooden spoon kind of hid them among the boiling beans. I turned down the heat and went upstairs to check my email. Anything to get away from those lima beans. Later, my return to the kitchen was seasoned with a distinctly scorched odor. Yep, you guessed it -- the skinless lima beans had congealed and burned themselves to the bottom of my best pot. The unburned part had turned into a sort of lima bean paste. With skin bits sticking out. I threw the entire mess into the sink and doused it with hot water. The relief of knowing I wasn't going to have to serve those molted limas to my family was immeasurable. The glass of white wine helped, too. As for me and lima beans -- our fragile relationship is now broken beyond repair. The canned ones are disgusting; the frozen ones are unbearable; the dried ones molt. If there are any Lima Bean Experts out there who can tell me what the heck went wrong, I'm all ears. But don't expect me to try cooking them again. Ever. Foods that molt are not welcomed in my kitchen. |
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I am: Mother to five stunningly individualistic children... Writer of young adult fantasy... Passionate advocate for Women At Home... Madly in love with my husband... In need of Organic Gourmet Chocolate on a regular basis. I've got a Paypal account if you'd like to contribute to the cause....
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11of my readers are feeling chatty:
Oh my gosh, this is the funniest thing ever! Ok, so at least that I've heard today...
Oh my.
I've only ever eaten the fresh ones, so I have no idea.
The only thing I can think of is that maybe you don't have to soak them. They aren't really beans are they, aren't they just called that? So maybe you don't soak them, just like I don't think dried peas get soaked?
Poor little lima beans without their skins, just their guts floating around.
:P
I thought your book was great! My favorite story was the one where you walked to the grocery store and broght a cart back! I can just picture Eric trying to stuff the cart into the back of the van!
Well, I had been a fan of lima beans up until this very moment...
My sister calls Lima Beans "the food of the Devil".
not your book, the slimy green things.
What on earth possessd you to even want to cook lima beans EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
LOL
Jill...I was telling my mom about this and according to her it's normal... YUCK!
Gail!! You're not serious?!
LOL
Ask her what the heck you're supposed to do with all those nasty lima beans shells in your mouth!
Ewwww!!
LMEO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Those beans were actually Cardassian roaches and reflex causes them to molt when they die suddenly. Their legs are microscopic and they are commonly eaten dry and are called "Lima Beans" so people actually buy them.
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